He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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