So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
