i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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