we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
