You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
