why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
