you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
