Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
