Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
