Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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