i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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