I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
