T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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