I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
