One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dicks are not precious.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
