ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
