I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
