As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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