it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
