Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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