Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
