I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I still have a little drunk in my system
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
