She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
