yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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