Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
