that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
