I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Are we still banned from the library?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
