i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
