Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
