if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
