Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
