2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
