I hate your face
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
