it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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