I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Drunk is not a location!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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