is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
