remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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