I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
