Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
