just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
