I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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