ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
birth control should be required to get into college
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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