dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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