Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
