you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
