Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
