he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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