You can't motorboat a personality
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
