I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
