just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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