My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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