i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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