we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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